I'm saving this for real this time

Sunday, December 31, 2006


I am obviously not at some fun party like the rest of mt friends are

I am sitting in a dark room with a drink. Not much goes on here... I guess I didnt put in a good effort into finding a party here in the valley.

I am usually the one to put on a fireworks show..I didnt even to that

I walked outside into the middle of the street wrapped in a blanket and my unitard and watched other peoples fireworks go off.

I just really want to go home and be with my friends who I love.

I've never made resolutions for New Years...
i guess loose a few pounds
not go into the hospital
start getting serious about my future
and the ultimate cliche of finding love or something close to it.

and I honestly dont mean to be such a downer here..but I can't help being realistic about situations.
There has been no hype this whole winter season...maybe there is something wrong with me? or maybe im distracted by a certain someone.

I had a really lovely day taking pictures in the valley and playing in the snow.
I woke up to beautiful frost covering everything and silver ice crstals fluttering everywhere
and tonight I had a rediculous five course meal that after the first course I was full.

What New Years means to me is remembering to write a new number on my heading for school assignments

Happy 2007 loves!

let us see what you will bring!

in the sleeping bag

written december 30th:

jason called me and it was so nice to hear his voice.

Last night I watched The Notorious Bettie Page.
I full stand by saying it was amazing. I really enjoyed it and it was believable and interesting andI actually want to own it.

People have been acting funny, people being Albert. But i can't complain.I have no right to.

still no new years plans...jason told me about a few parties.. so did colin. Most are in Salt Lake meaning I cannot attend.
I really miss all my friends.
I know a few of you guys read this..so friday do you guys want to have a party or something?
Jon and I are trying to find someone who has a pool.....

anything.i just need a fun fun fun weekend with all my lovelies!

plus jon told me we are gonna have a nature show saturday...and sunday!

i went to the hardware store today and it has everything! i could buy everything i would ever want and need..they even had the red ryder bb-gun just like in a christmas story!

they had a whole display of plastic animals
I eventually want all of them..but today i got a little fawn
its seriously cute cute cute

back in utah

written on december 28:

I knew I was back in Utah the second I looked over to the car next t me and saw a good looking young guy no older than 22 with his wife and 2 kids. I'm glad im not involved in that...although I could have sworn I saw Jason working at the mountain bike shop...I sometimes forget to pay attention to my friends here. Because each time I come I feel I have less and less friends here and more back home. Everyone here starts their adult lives so much earlier and I'm not getting any older..

It is freezing here. My yard is covered in snow. I stocked up on soups and dvds and for the first time we have internet in the house. Last night was so much fun at nicole's..This is a complete change in setting

I need to figure out the balance of everything in my live..and coming here has always been a place for me to get my mind back on track, so I guess i will see about everything.

this place is real where sometimes my life is unrealistic

shit the OH in OHio is such a good movie

its definitely not for children if you know what I mean.


I originally wrote this on christmas morning...It was posted on my livejournal

Okay so here i go with the inventory!
-1 roll Kodak ultra color 100
-1 roll Fujicolor Superia Reala 100
-1 roll Fujichrome Velvia 100
-30 pack of CD-R
-The Squid and the Whale DVD
-Polaroid Spectra Film
-wireless remote for the Canon Rebel
-a car converter for my computer (so I can use it on road trips)
-Holga camera with the new color splash flash
-5 rolls of 120 film (for the holga) Fujichrome Velvia 100
-15 inch Polaroid flat screen tv

so basically my parents went with a new system for the holidays

My dad took over Christmas
While my mom took over Hanukkah

heres that intake:
-Diane Arbus book
-Red cashemere fingerless gloves that double as mittens from J.Crew
-$25 to the apple store
-Century Girl book (about Doris Eaton..last living star of the Ziegfeld Follies...this book is fucking beautiful)
-Coral thermal cardigan from madewell
-Flower print thermal from free people
-Red sweater from f21
-grey thermal from urban
-red american apparel headband
-Marc Jacobs care package:
-red patent leather key chain
-white mirror compact
-plastic ring
-band aids (this might leave a marc)

-Asphalt tanktop unitard from American Apparel
-Marigold zip up hoodie from American Apparel
-White longsleeve vneck " "

plus atticus got me the turquoise lamé hot shorts

Last night we went to have lobster in Santa Monica... We had a view of the ocean and the Pier. The Ferris wheel looked so pretty and I could see the sea serpent that shoots water in the summer that I have spent many a days climbing on. By luck we had the best view in the restaurant.

I got no sleep last night. I woke up many times...it was just one of those nights where my insomnia decided to hit hard.

I woke up this morning to open the presents and I had missed a call from Kristina!
It made me so happy to hear from her because I miss my SVA friends a lot and so Kristina and I caught up a bit and shared what we got, and discussed our american apparel addiction.

Wednesday is Nicole's big birthday bash!
I'm still not sure what to dress up as...I want to go with my original idea..but I dont think people will get it.
Then I'm off to utah...eh I'm happy to be there but I don't think I will get to hang out with a lot of people.

Then I come home hopefully in time to have a few outings in LA and the Sunday before I go back to school is a nature show with the kids from Arizona! I'm so happy becasue all my friends will be home
Dani will be back form her roadtrip with Derek and Blaine back from her cruise and the rest of the kids will all be back together!

I really want to get my lisence in the mail.

I'm in a good mood now looking back at every thing I got..I'm so thankful because I was sure we weren't doing a big gift thing this year.
Christmas eve puts me in a bad mood. I am always extremely sarcastic and overall an unhappy person
It used to be a big family get together
but when my grandma died so did the tradition and that when my Mom Dad and I began going to Utah. I still dislike spending time with the extended family this time of year only because its not the same...so I guess thats it.

also its hard to deal with christmas when its not very christmasy outside

75 degrees ugh too hot!

Merry Christmas Everyone!!!

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

pictures pictures pictures and lots of them

Yay pictures!!!

i'm off to utah tomorrow

nicoles was a lot of fun!

stacey and i want to throw and american apparel party

to bad she has to go back to college soon

Monday, December 18, 2006

everyday turns turns turns...

I feel young and old at the same time
I want to build a blanket fort
But go and visit friends all over the country on my own.

JP hit his head yesterday
not good
but he seems to be fine.

4 days left till vacation
2 essays
1 test

Thursday, December 14, 2006

mix tapes in the mail

I recieved a yellow envelope in the mail today, enclosed was something that made me want to cry.
A mix tape sent with love from Boy Joshua in Tucson Arizona.
He drew beautiful artwork and taped 16 hand picked songs
and sent it with all his love
to his friend who truely needed a pick me up like this.

I can't wait to listen to it!

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

oh no...

My nose is running and I'm fearing that I am coming down with a cold!
My friend has gone missing. No one is talking about it or those who know where she is are not saying, my teacher said it was private. I am very worried
but I know she is atleast in a good place.
School is getting the best of me and I am dreadung the spiral down into the new year.
I am unprepared for the holidays and my winter break, I want to get my liscene so I can spend my free time exploring and trotting about LA.
I need to go to some shows and do some shopping!
I need to spend time with friends!
Matt and Kim this weekend was amazing, the pictures are posted on 476ad and my livejournal. I have been posting on there which annoys me but it is sometimes easier and i get the feeling more people read it?

I am working on my wish list

i'm not good at asking for things, I'm more of a see them as they come kinda gal.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

little slice of love

For those few who know this dress
this is the dress that I have lusted over at the Rosebowl for over a year
I thought it did not fit
and i was going to take kime and cynthias advice on buying it so no one else could have it
but when i tried it on...
it fit!

12 bucks for a little slice of love

Last night I ventured out into the rain with Grace and Miles to go downtown into the warehouse district to see Matt & Kim and No Age!
It was amazing and freezing and hot and the coolest place to have a show
they played on the skate ramp!
my white shoes got temporatily trashed from being stepped on in the rowdy crowd of hipster boys and girls.

there are pictures on 476ad

there is a link under the link section side bar!

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

working toward the weekend!!

friday will be amazing and make up for saturday and sunday which will consist of memorial services.
last saturday's nature show was super but im expecting friday nights to be supa
blaine and i are planning to make some hot coco and like soup (especially for poor jon who has a sinus infection)
plus we are bringing lots of blankies!

last weekends polaroids:

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Dear Hippie Postman,

I am so happy you got assigned to deliver my mail every day
and that you can drive a truck with the steering wheel on the wrong side even though you consumed large amounts of drugs in the 60s and 70s..possibly even while delivering my mail today.
ANYWAY you made my day.
i think im going to go meet you every day at the mailbox now.

yeeaaaaaahhhhh maaaaaannnnnnn.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Magazine Day!!

I would like to introduce you all to what i like to call...magazine day!
it is that fabulous day, sometimes even week of the month where all your magazines come!!
and well
that day is today!
what does magazine day hold for me today?
the december/january issue of paper magazine(this also means the new screaming mimi's ad..its fabulous!)
the holiday issue of nylon
and the december/january issue of domino!
so much for getting any work done tonight!

magazine day should be respected like any other day of worship or celebration....
ah the simple little pleasures in life!

just for the fun of it here is the ol' pops and i at a photobooth from the other week

Friday, November 24, 2006

eamon thinks he is a turkey

im getting lazy on titles.
I'm full and possibly, most likely, gained a lot of weight
i got a hair cut!!!
short bangs
almost like real bangs
im working on a picture but im not to photogenic today
and im going to spend tonight scanning polaroids wooo.

2 days left in this weekend
cort has work and cant take kelly and i shopping
i went to see tenascious d in the pick of destiny with atticus..miles tagged along too wearing seeing glasses.
i think i am hanging out with kate this weekend, hopefully!
i need to go back to being social.

uhoh i need to restart the computer.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

i'm so dizzy, my head is spinning

i felt enraged and helpless and lacking control over my emotions.
the town papers came out today.

malibu high school student kills self
it is the most impersonal thing to read about a person you know.

one article even spit out some statistics, it disgusted me.

orange soda

what a week my friends, what a week.

I worry about JP and his head a lot, especially now, he can't come to school for a month. His brain heals when he sleeps. I don't need anymore stress in my life.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

hoping for this to help

this morning laurel wasn't at school again, but she always skips school.
by tthe end of first period mr. horvath called mr. carrier out of the class, when he returned, he informed us laurel had committed suicide last night. I sat there in shock until my emotions took over and the hysterics began. I can't even believe this has happend, the other day we were talking about old friends, new cars, our futures, new york city, and how she should get snake bites. Laurel has been unhappy for a very long time now, and this was not her first attempt at such an awful act she had also batled with drugs. But there were many times where she was happy and doign well in school, even up until yesterday she was planning ahead, trying to figure out what would be the best for her. When you are best friends with a person even at age 13 and have a falling out it is amazing to start a friendship again, and that was the direction i felt laurel and i were going. Many of her friends have delt with the same things with her, but no matter what all her friends have been there for her. we discussed what may have been going through her head last night in our grieving meetings. the whole thing was surreal. groups of girls slowly trickling into the office, but the cries were heard before the faces seen. the awful part was how it turned into gossip in the halls and people were saying "did you hear about that girl......"
i spent my day with friends, a group of friends that once were so tightly knit but have driffeted only to be brought back together for soemthing so terrible. we wandered the halls aimlessly, occasionally breaking down into tears, we shared memories and our disbelief. all day, i have dug up memories from back to 6th grade, so detailed i am amazed at myself.

laurel you are a beautiful amazing unique person and friend, and i have never met a spirit like yours

i miss you so much and i will always remember you and our friendship

we are all living life to its fullest for you

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

the date has been set

the factory girl
is supposedly set to open on december 29th!

yay for edie biopics

Thursday, November 02, 2006

we demand fall

Eamon and I have come to a conclusion.

we need winter coats,

and scarves...etc

so this will eventually be us

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Creative Kids go BOO!

Well it is Halloween again
and I stayed till lunch to get some snapshots of the costumes of kids who weren't dressed as lame or hoes.
I think it came out well.
ceiling fan, get it?

gorilla girl


Princeton Review ahhhh SAT Prep

oh my god cameron as the police officer from the village people.

aww milesy

bed linen

i just want a headdress

a cute girl went all out with the 80's hair and hairspray bangs, thank god she didnt do a side ponytail

president of the yacht club

ari! my ninja boy, i can forgive him for not being richie with me

Kate, cheerleader vice versa footballplayer


super girls


charlie looking like a total babe.

ari's ninja fet

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Life Without Boundaries

So Dysfunctional.

and I am big fan of the dysfunctional family movie.

The costumes and series of events were over the top.
I'm a bit jealous of those who get to experience "fall".

all I get is the clocks turned back.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Prepared for pastel pastries, lace and silk galore

one word: MONTAGE

that movie goes down in my books as having one of the greatest montages paired with the perfect music. The colorful fabrics and candies and shoes and champagne paired with Bow Wow Wow's "I Want Candy" was worth the 10 buck ticket price. The colorful party scences and multiple shades of pink poker chips were such a treat to watch. I loved noticing Sofia Coppola's signature touches on her film like her obvious infatuation of throwing Kirsten Dunst into fields with diffused afternoon light and sunglares that reminisced scenes from The Virgin Suicides. The costumes and hair were marvelous and breathtaking and my appreciation for color is cemented and I am overall inspired in multiple ways.

Go see it! I promise you will be inspired, who cares if its not historically accurate, it's absolutely mindblowing to watch.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Emergency Hospital Visit

Well I am in the hospital.

Way back I wasn't feeling well, I thought I had the flu and i was achy from that

but it turns out no.

Friday: I woke up went with my mom to pick up her car after showing her the large swelling on the right side of my stomach and telling her about how i was in more pain than normal. She then had to visit her doctor at UCLA, as i sat in the car unable to move. We finally got to the motion picture doctor, for those who dont know I am extremely afraid of the doctors etc. so i sat crying in pain and fear in the waiting room, they finally took me in and said well it may be your appendix but you need to go to this other place to get a cat scan. I then went there and had lost the energy to walk once getting to the waiting room. I got a wheelchair and i was taken to a back room where i had to lay for a hour and a half drinking barium sulfate to prep me for the catscan, it was awful and chalky and tasted like banana. I was there fever until they confirmed it was my appndix and it had perferated had abessed. I then went to St Johns Hospital to the emergeny room. I was put in my own room and my doctor at the hopital came in and explained the whole thing and i basically had an infected area atleast teh size of a grapefruit that would be drained...she also told me I had a high white blood cell count an a fast heart rate which ment i would go into intensive care. I was moved out of my private room in the emergecy room into a curtained area with beds. i saw crazy homeless screaming and running infront of me and szchohrenic women in the curtain areas next to me. I was hooked up to a heart monitor and my IV waiting for my procedure. THey finally took me u, I got another cat scan and then was given pain medication and numbing stuff on m stomach where a small hole was made to insert a tube, they doctor then pressed the fliud out of my absess, it was almost a liters worth. after i was put back in the emergencyroom with the crazys until my really nice room in the ICU was made up. There i was bathed and given my morphine button and watched over every second. I was in ear the whole day wanting to go home and it was a huge ordeal to even go to the doctors and it kept getting more scary, they took a lot of my blood and i was allowed to have nothing, not even water!!!

Saturday: I woke up to some more blood tests, and my doctor saying the procedure went vey well and i could have ice chips ad water and i would be moved to a normal room. my aunt and cousin came to visit My dad was bringining all the necessites. I stayed in bed....i got some flowers

Sundsay: Soft food day...i havent eaten since thursday and dr. childs said i could now.
Dalton came and visited, arnolds mom ella came, chelsea and hannah came. they took away my morphine and ive been on and off the iv.
ive had my blood taken from 3 different spots....

visitors are welcome here!! just tell me!
please come see me, im stuck in bed.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

poor tower records

the sale is on

so i better make my way out to sunset and stock up

with a generation of itunes fuckers
who have no appreciation of haveing your music tangible
and prefer a file that can die with your computer at any moment

this is all becasue of that

over the past year or so it has been the death of the record store around here...and this is a big loss.

well ameobayou seem to be the only one left..plus you came in late to the game but...hope you stand strong and dont gauge us even more with your high prices.

what am i thinking?!

i wrote a few times in my live journal..how lame..

i had some sort of stomach flu monday
buy my stomach muscles are in extreme pain and cramped and i dont know why.

on a happier note....
paris and nicole have been reunited!!!!!!!!

thank god.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

those kids

I miss them like crazy, and I would give anything to be back in the month of july with them.

I go through my pictures
and want to cry.
its really lame how far apart we all are.

i need a trip back east to see my lovers.